This life…This God…This paradoxical madness…it just makes me long for heaven…but not just to escape the pangs of this world, though to escape the pangs of this world. That reality alone, however, doesn’t suffice as the only motivation for desiring heaven, as sweet of a thought as it is. No, but it’s not enough. This life…This God…This paradoxical madness…it makes me long for heaven…why then? You ask. Because that’s where God is. And there, I will behold Him and all of the fullness of His glory with no sinful, demonic interruptions.

And that is all…

Most of bitterness and anger unforgiveness is rooted n an inability to be profoundly amazed at Christ’s love for us in His sacrificial death for our sin, including the bitterness and anger.

The solution is not in fixing the person who has sinned against us, it’s being stunned at the grace of God found in Christ. The overflow of that amazement is pure forgiveness. because if you r aware of the cost of ur own sin, offending a holy God and consequently the just penalty is wrath and how that cost has been absorbed and forgiven by Another, Jesus Christ (if in fact it has been), that will drive u to forgiving another sinner as urself. The Grace of Christ u have received will inevitably spill over towards the offender. So we do have to see our sin.

The bible does say that if u do not forgive, God in heaven will not forgive u (Matt 6:15) So this is a mortal issue; this is a hell bent sin – unforgiveness. (matt 18). Anger and Unforgiveness is very dangerous. It can take over ur heart, dominate u and u will be judged. It kills somebody’s heart and makes them shipwreck, proving they have never belonged to God.

So then… 

1. No one goes to heaven unforgiven by God. It’s a place for forgiven sinners, not unforgiven sinners.
2. No one is forgiven by God who will not be forgiving.
3. Therefore no one who is unforgiving goes to heaven. 

God forgiving our anger, like forgiving murderers because the bible says hatred in ur heart is like murder. 

So, if u have been forgiven, u ought to, commanded to and enabled to, (if u r truly His), to forgive. And it’s all fruit of the Spirit, meaning true, biblical forgivenss is evidence of a true follower of Christ. Therefore If u cannot, will not, have not, u r not His.

And yet we’re called to holiness and purity as He is holy and pure. It’s humanly impossible. Whether a person is deceived and blinded by the prince of the air and puffed up with so much pride and arrogance to know his own sin, or it be a person who lives in perpetual contrition and fear before the Lord of hosts, it is impossible to walk in the holiness it requires to see God. 

Being in the realm and reign of sin, since the fall of Adam, and so from our births, not one man is free from this wretched condition, except the Holy Incarnate One Himself, the God-Man, Christ Jesus. The Only One who’s soul was continuously in perfect conformity to the will of His Father. The One who’s perfectly just and yet infinitely tender, sternly severe and yet immeasurably gracious; the One who is altogether lovely and an infinite array of wonders and attributes that the sinful eye and heart may not and cannot see.

And when the soul lays hold of this dilemma – the Creator calling for the image bearing creation to be that which He is in every respect (wholly holy) – even in light of the eternal incapability of the fallen, sin filled, human to even begin to take upon the challenge, is when Jesus’ righteousness becomes appealing and beautiful and we will then and only then, flee for refuge there.

Why only in such a brokeness can The Son of Man and all of His perfections be enticing? Because it’s only the poor in spirit and the soul mourners who shall inherit the land and be comforted by the righteousness of Jesus becoming theirs, thus allowing them full dominion of the land and sweet comfort from The Comforter Himself – God the Holy Spirit. 

It is not a work in ourselves that provides us this reality. It is not a matter of “making oneself right with God” “cleaning up our act” or performing religious duties. Personal holiness cannot be wrought out in this earthly, filthy raggish state. And woe unto the ones who never sees what’s so plainly obvious – our falleness and that God will have no communal dealings with such a one apart from Christ, though one may presumptuously declare His love upon themselves without Christ’s merits credited to their account. 

A necessary aside: Who gave you the right to nullify Christ’s work on the cross by preaching/believing a gospel that says you can live hellish, think blasphemously, act lawlessly and have no warm affections for God, and yet still relate to God apart from embracing the most gloriously-horrific moment in human history – the death of the Eternal One, (and instead having familiar occupations with the world, the devil and sin) and without being raised from the dead and bought from the slave bondage of sin to righteousness? The dead must be made alive.

Sin is no small matter to trifle with because it is not against a small Sovereign. He is infinitely worthy of admiration. And so failing to love who is eternally admirable is not trivial – rather treason. 

And So the Son of Man came to live the life we couldn’t, die the death we deserve for defaming God, and absorb the just wrath we store up for ourselves, and raised again on that glorious 3rd day, satisfying the wrath of the Father, and now “offers Himself to us as the all satisfying treasure, and lover of our souls” (brindle), calling us to turn from our sins and embrace Christ in His substitutionary death – “the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God”

And when that union happens, through faith, is when we can behold the glory of God in His redemptive plan, Jesus’ humiliation and the Spirit’s immanence. And the overflow of that is life, adoration, reverence and beseeching Him for His holy workings In our hearts. That’s when the gospel is cherished. And may it be cherished all the days of our lives!

That’s what I call sweet sanctification

Growing up, if I’m honest, I increasingly got worse, in my opinion and my mother’s lol. Sexual desires were introduced at 11 and I acted upon them. I thought of and mastered more clever ways to do what I want and not get caught: sneaking out, drinking, weed, staying places I had NO business staying, cursing, bitterness, anger, jealousy, sex, desiring more and more riches, fashion, beauty, but was led to depression and hostility. I had a high opinion of myself, because I was on the honor roll, because my parents didn’t live in the hood, because I got everything my vain little heart can imagine. I looked down on others who didn’t even measure up a little bit to my brains, abilities and social economic status. And u know what? I wasn’t ashamed to tell people what I thought of them cuz, “I’m just keeping it real.”

And at the very same time, you would think I would believe life was sweet for me. It was very strange…because it wasn’t. During the moment of spending my passions, I’m not going to lie, there was a thrilling high! But it was only a moment. I would eventually sober up from every drinking party. The sex would eventually be over and there was still no committment from the guy, and if it was, that too was short lived and filled with mad drama. No dude really loved me the way i had always imagined love would be and what I felt I was entitled to. Someone always had better grades than me, better clothes, a newer car, a prettier face etc. Nothing really satisfied.

So my conclusion, do more, get more, chase more. The result: an unwarranted pride, depression, anger, people pleasing, more sex, more heart ache, contemplations of suicide, pain, hurt, tears. Life just sucked man. At the end of the day, life sucked. That’s all there was to it.

And can you believe, inspite of this crazy description of myself, I judged myself to be a good person! Lol!! Please name one good thing in all I said…mission impossible.

Truth is, even if I didn’t do half of the stuff I named, if all of my thoughts and intentions from the day of my birth to now, were displayed on a big screen for the world to see, I and you would be horrified, hurt because I murdered so many people in my mind, I have felt mad hostility towards people, I have been a backbiter in my mind, I have slept with mad men, and thought other things that I dare not even mention on this post. I mean, if that would ever happen, I would find the end of the earth and jump!

The status is, in light of the story of my life, no one is far removed from God’s grace. Why do I believe that?

Because when i was 18 years old, I was in my freshman year of college, one of many low times in my life; it was weird, my conscience was sooo bothered my…me! I had this sense of, I’m wrong. Everything about me is wrong. It was no longer comfortable to be me. I felt condemned. I had this awareness of God in all His perfection and me, standing before this morally perfect being. Life didn’t make sense. I started questioning the purpose of my existence; of anybody’s existence. I wanted out. But simultaneously, I didn’t. I still wanted to do me without this cloud of guilt over my head. I wanted to do me, to be me, without feelings of emptiness, without drama and caos following me.

Everyday I cried and yearned for an escape. I was involved with 2 men at the same time trying to find escape and freedom there. But the more and more I rebelled against my conscience, the deeper into depression I fell. I remember the last time I slept with this guy, I was utterly confused because prior to that i made a vow to myself that i wasn’t going to do it again. A week later, I’m waking up in his bed. It was then that I knew my problem!

I am a sinner!!! I can’t stop thinking and doing wrong! I just can’t!

I went home for winter break, the issues of life followed me there too. Now I’m just desperate! I’m desperate to find the one that can save me from myself, from life, from my sin. My best friend invited me to this concert where people my age were filled with this weird joy. They had this sense of freedom from this life. They looked to something, someone outside of themselves for…everything. I was hungry for bread and water and they were satisfied by this Living Bread and water, and I had to have Him!

Jesus Christ! God! My creator and none other. The true and living God. The One Who in His righteous judgments, require righteous from me. And the just penalty for sin is death. And without the shedding of blood there is no forgivenss of sin. I knew that I had committed sin, and therefore only I could do away with by paying the penalty for my sin. But here was my delimma, I CANT do away with my sin! I can’t! I tried to be a good person, and I can’t. I tried to change my ways and i couldn’t. And even still, God is perfect! I’m not good enough. I already spent 18 years of my life in rebellion! I cannot satisfy God’s righteous requirements! My disobedience condemns me before a righteous God! And I’m captive to sin! It is humanly impossible to free myself from sin! A divine rescue is necessary! I need a Saviour!! (mahaney)

Jesus became altogether lovely to me that night. My sin, he bore on the cross in His body facing the wrath of the Father, as if He sinned, tho He didn’t and cannot because He is God. He humbled Himself, taking on the nature of man, that He may identify with man, and became obedient to the point of death, death on the cross. God died for me. More than that, He took the penalty I deserve and earned. He satisfied the righteous requirements because they are His own requirements and therefore rose again. He defeated death, sin and Satan and returned to heaven where He is now, bidding people to come and behold His glory!

He saved me that night! I came for life, and He gave me Himself, life in Him. A sinner, saved by grace. I heard the good news of Jesus Christ, counted all things in my life, my own life as trash in comparison to knowing Christ. I saw my sin, hated it, turned to the only One that can save, and threw myself at His mercy. I mean what else could I have done?

From then on, my mark in life has been, “I’m a sinner saved by grace! I hate my sin! And God, Christ is altogether lovely! I have no hope in this world and in the judgement to come to all who live this life as if God were not God. I have no rights. I have no goodness apart from God. I have no life apart from the One who created all things and to whom belongs all the power and glory and honor!”

Amen

If He can save me, dear friend, you are not too far removed from His grace!

Won’t you turn from your sin, and receive the Christ!

Whatever your especial need may be, you may readily find some promise in the Bible suited to it. Are you faint and feeble because your way is rough and you are weary? Here is the promise-He giveth power to the faint. When you read such a promise, take it back to the great Promiser, and ask him to fulfil his own word.

Are you seeking after Christ, and thirsting for closer communion with him? This promise shines like a star upon you-Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled. Take that promise to the throne continually; do not plead anything else, but go to God over and over again with this-Lord, thou hast said it, do as thou hast said. Are you distressed because of sin, and burdened with the heavy load of your iniquities? Listen to these words-I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions, and will no more remember thy sins.

You have no merit of your own to plead why he should pardon you, but plead his written engagements and he will perform them. Are you afraid lest you should not be able to hold on to the end, lest, after having thought yourself a child of God, you should prove a castaway? If that is your state, take this word of grace to the throne and plead it: The mountains may depart, and the hills may be removed, but the covenant of my love shall not depart from thee.

If you have lost the sweet sense of the Saviour’s presence, and are seeking him with a sorrowful heart, remember the promises: Return unto me, and I will return unto you; For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee. Banquet your faith upon God’s own word, and whatever your fears or wants, repair to the Bank of Faith with your Father’s note of hand, saying, Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope.

“For from within, out of the heart of man [or woman] come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and they defile a person” mark 7:21-23.

If we’re honest, we would all render ourselves defiled. No one can say they are without at least one of these things if not multiple or all. A society is bad because of the bad people. A people are bad because of the bad in our hearts.

In all of human history, there has never been a eutopia. All of the world peace attempts, neighborhood watches, save the trees, Avatar movies, overthrow the government, kumbya songs, have not achieved the peace we are searching after. These things address the symptoms, not the cause of world corruption, of man’s heart corruption. The answers are not found from within man. If man’s heart is the problem, why do we think problematic man can come up with the ultimate solution to fix the problem? It’s illogical. It’s impossible. It has never been done. It cannot be done.

Sounds so depressing, hopeless and bleak doesn’t it? Well, because it is. We have no hope in and of ourselves. We’re full of issues and problems – in other words, sin. Yet, we’re so blinded and proud to think we have it all together, yet there has never been a proven resolution, that has come from man.

And that’s why we need a Saviour. And that’s why Jesus came into the world. Our answers are found in Christ alone. Our hope of peace, between man and God first and foremost is found in Christ alone. Only then can man then be reconciled to each other, do a people change from the inside-out, and consequently, a society wholly changes.

We’re sick and we need a Great Physician, and God in Christ is that Physician

Any thoughts?

A: “The duties required in the first commandment are, the knowing and acknowledging of God to be the only true God, and our God; and to worship and glorify him accordingly, by thinking, meditating, remembering, highly esteeming, honoring, adoring, choosing, loving, desiring, fearing of him; believing him; trusting, hoping, delighting, rejoicing in him; being zealous for him, calling upon him, giving all praise and thanks, and yielding all obedience and submission to him with the whole man; being careful in all things to please him, and sorrowful when in anything he is offended; and walking humbly with him.”

-Westminster Larger Catechism

Oh and pray for me!!! I wrote all of this for a reason lol

I can go on and on retelling many stories of how not understanding any of that has caused me great pains and strife…but…I wont. This is “Our Story.”

Fast forward to last year, I met Steven Vega. Without having dealt at great lengths with those issues, I entered into another relationship. It did not go well. Throughout it, I saw many, many evidences of God’s grace in him, and could bank on what a great man he is and will be in the Lord presently and in time. I held fast to that hope. Idolatry sprang up in my heart again. Sadly, it did the same for him as well. It never goes well. For months, we ignored the beckoning calls of the Spirit to sacrifice this relationship. God is a jealous God. He is exclusive in that He will not share His glory with another. In my heart, I still bowed to Him ultimately, because I had been redeemed, but my spine was rigid and stiff: bowing was really difficult during this time. It did not go well for us. Eventually, because God is God, we separated. We broke up. See? I t did not go well for us. He was replanted at another church of believers, and I remained, under the discipline of God and my elders. It then went really well for us!

I had no idea what was to come in regards to Steven and I, and frankly I did not care for a time. All I knew was that I was seriously jacked up, and all I had was what God said to be true of Himself and of me and of sin, and only that is what ushered and sustained me through life again. And it was then that I saw, THIS is how this life is meant to be lived, and THIS way only. I was brought really low, back at square one and combed through…my entire life. To make sense of things, the root of my actions, sin patterns, identify, discern and kill idolatry and pursue loving God with a pure devotion. It was difficult. It was hard. It was good.
On the other side of town, not knowing this, but only figuring because I know he is a child of God, and knowing how the Lord works in Him so deeply and quickly, the exact same thing was happening with Steven.

After months of no communication and only hear-say about the great goodness and sanctifying love being wrought in him and I separately, I began to feel again. I began to feel in ways that I can say I never had before. It was a clear, unclouded by raging lusts, good affection. But, I still didn’t trust myself. Soon, many many people who knew our story, by first hand experience, and had been walking with us through life very closely, began asking me questions of where my affections lie in regards to him, and testifying of that same sanctifying love being worked in my life. Then, very soon after, many people were expressing to me that they have been convicted and persuaded to pray for our reconciliation and fellowship, as not only brother and sister, but husband and wife. That was difficult for me to embrace right away. I was skeptical of myself. I was skeptical of him. I was skeptical of sin. It took many people to convince me that my feelings are not only understandable, but good. And come to find out…his too! I began to join my brothers and sisters, (who knew intimately him and me) in prayer for the same thing.

After awhile, the pieces started to come together. No longer was there this skepticism, I began to experience first hand what everyone was telling me of this man. It was as if he was brand new. I was and am still floored at the amazing grace that brought two sinners, who failed miserably at pursuing God, at life and with each other, from this hopeless mess of confusion and works of the flesh, back to Himself, and consequently in right relationship with our fellow brothers and sisters, and then with each other again.
Is this a hasty decision? Some would and has said, “Yes!”, and I definitely can understand given all that has happened between us.

However, some others would, has and are still saying, “God’s grace has proven to be sufficient, trust Him, He has kept you and promises to do so, What are you waiting for?!” My heart exults in its Lord. My mouth will continue to pour out praises that are due Him. I cannot say that I will never idolize anything else in my lifetime. That is a lie, straight from hell. I am a sinner. But I am saved by the Great Grace of God, who promises to lead me in the way everlasting, and be with me until the end of the ages. What’s amazing about this grace too, is that it stands true for Steven as well! That’s a comforting truth.

Do I believe all will be well in life for us? Yes. Do I believe all will be well in life for us? No. But, We have our God. We have the faithful love of our friends and family. We will commit to knowing our God and will commit to knowing each other…all by God’s grace.
Only the forgiveness, the love and grace of God can do any of what’s written from beginning to end of my life, his and Our Story.

At 18, God saved me while I was dead in my sin and loving every bit of it. He met me. He opened my heart to hear the good news of Jesus Christ: … See More

I was born into sin, i’m not good. My best deeds are filthy rags before Him. And every bitter thought and evil deed is offense to God. I have broken His commands and have not loved God with all of my heart soul mind and strength. I loved me. I lived for me. I was my own god. And because of it, I deserve wrath. Christ was sent as a substitute to live the life I haven’t and cannot and died the death I deserve, facing the judgment of God. He was crucified by evil men, religious men, absorbed the holy hatred of sin by the Father, as if He sinned, in my place. Was buried and 3 days later rose again. He showed Himself to many and ascended back to heaven.

I saw my utter lostness, my hopelessness. I saw the sinfulness of my sin, I believed that God so loved the world that he gave His Only Begotton Son, and in Him is eternal life that I would not perish, turned from my sin and thru myself at the mercy of Jesus. He granted me life, changed my heart, and now I live and die to Christ!

Baptism is the outward expression of all of this! Praise God for salvation! Praise God for Jesus!

Follow this link to the recital of a poem I wrote for the baptisms 1.31.10

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=310791550812&ref=mf