Most women, including myself, do not believe they have been called by God to live a life of singleness. I recently questioned a brother, who also is convinced the Lord has not gifted him in this way. How does one know if he/she has the gift of singleness of not? Especially, if at the time, they are single. Is it because they wont have the desire? But then, another brother told me, he strongly has the desire, but is convicted to believe the Lord will not grant him a wife; that the Lord is his portion. So, then, how can we really know?
Elisabeth Elliot offers her perspective:
“One lady in her sixties still declares that she does not have what Paul calls the gift of single life. She has lived these sixty years without it, for God has assured her, she assures me, that He has a husband for her somewhere. She has only to wait for him to appear. She may be right that God has a husband for her. I think she’s wrong in saying she hasn’t the gift of single life. She has had it all her life. God may yet give her the gift of marriage, for many of His gifts may be given for only a part of a lifetime. I know of three Christians who had for a short time the gift of healing other people and then it was withdrawn. Why should He not give single life for most of a lifetime and then give marriage? Or may He not give marriage and then, sometimes early in life, widowhood?
The truth is that none of us knows the will of God for his life. I say for his life – for the promise is “as thou goest step by step I will open up the way before thee.” He gives us enough light for today, enough strength for one day at a time, enough manna, our “daily” bread…Single life may be only a stage of a life’s journey, but even a stage is a gift. God may replace it with another gift, but the receiver accepts His gifts with thanksgiving. This gift for this day. The life of faith is lived one day at a time, and it has to be lived – not always looked forward to as though the “real” living were around the next corner. It is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow.”
What are your thoughts?
excellent blog, aisha!
* you mentioned that a brother told you “he strongly has the desire, but is convicted to believe the Lord will not grant him a wife; that the Lord is his portion.”
this is really interesting for two reasons. one, the Lord is our portion no matter what gifts God gives or withholds. for someone to say God won’t give them something because “the Lord is [their] portion” is to make a statement that has two parts which are not mutually exclusive. (it’s like saying he won’t get a car because a new president was elected). God is BOTH a person’s portion AND the giver of gifts. second, matthew 7 tells us that God is more likely to give us good gifts if we ask than even our human fathers are. wives, in various places in scripture, are considered “good” for men. and human fathers give their daughters away in marriage everyday. how much more would God give His son something that His own Word says is “good.”
needless to say, i think the brother you’re speaking of may have overspiritualized this and should look at some deeper, personal issues that would cause such a conclusion to be reached. it could be that his standards and fears leave no room for human frailties, or that his dad was a couch potato who never provided a proper example and he simply doesn’t know where to begin on the marriage quest … or any number of things.
* elizabeth elliot makes some HUGE points that are quite edifying. it makes me think to the reality that for those of us who are born again, each and every breath we breathe, day we live, morsel we eat … is a gift of grace purchased by the One who rescued our lives from a deserved hell. we should, therefore, regard everything as a gift … singleness, abundance, lack, courtship, beds to sleep on, marriage, jobs, toils, etc.
i liked the way she suggested that each day is a gift, and each element of each day is also a gift. God does nothing for futility. everything has a purpose. we should spend time ENJOYING the gifts instead of lamenting … the time of that gift will endure regardless; it’s better to see what can be enjoyed about it during that time than to spend the same amount of time in misery.
thanks for this encouraging blog, sis!
This is a great post and encouraging comment that you’ve posted as well eve.
Just to add, It can depend on how or what is looked at as a gift. Do I have a physical ability to remain single with no desire to marry for any reason whatsoever I’m simply about my mission whatever it may be. Or Yes I would like to marry but I’m single rather it’s for a season in life or whatever the case yet it’s still a gift of God to be utilized in my singleness although the desire to marry and prayers to do so do not end.
For me personally, once I stop seeking some physical gifting to appear as in I won’t see any guy as attractive will never pray over a desire to marry etc , then I could say I’m content single and when I’m not, I can identify what I need to pray about. Once I learned that my being content has nothing to do with my desire but rather where I place that desire or how I respond to it, then I could see the gift in being single and not be anxious for marriage.
But fighting with the desire only kept me blind when opportunity presented itself and I as eve mentioned about the guy overspiritualized it seeking him to respond in a way that showed me I was indeed following God’s will.
Christians of the past never considered singleness to be a gift. As a matter of fact, the “gift of singleness” is a modern term coined by the editors of the Living Bible (now the NLT) in the 60′s that has since been removed.